TOD NEWS - BRINGING IT TO YOU LIKE IT ISN'T!
The TOP STORY today is the fact that "New Labour" has been outed as a sham! For those of you who hadn't had doubts before, TOD - (Truth or Death) International News brings you the shocking revelations. You only have to look at the picture below to see what an utter farce "New Labour" is. In trying to force the Great British Public to accept their incredibly dubious policies such as European Monetary Union, the destabilisation of Great Britain through letting the "taffies" and the "jocks" rule themselves, and trying to force the tax payer to pay for a statue of Mr.Blur to be erected on the Moon, New Labour have alienated themselves from the voting majorities of middle England. Mrs.W from Buckingham Palace, london NW1 told today of her horror at finding out some of her husband's earnings would now be taken in tax to pay for the 1000ft high polystyrene effigy of Mr.Blur to be erected near the Sea of Tranquility on the Dark Side of the Moon; "I think it's outrageous. Phil, my husband, doesn't work all those hours as a layabout Greek running around the country thinking he is somebody just to pay for New Labour's whims. I certainly won't be voting Liberal Democrat for a while I can tell you! To think he had his secretary as a mistress as well, and that smile, eww, it makes one want to vomit".
This alleged picture of Mr.Blur (We have our doubts as to its authenticity!), Britains' new PM, shows him in gleeful post-election campaign mode. The public were befuddled by the fact that this election advert appears to tell all Mr.Blur's truthes, instead of being like most politicians who couldn't lie straight in bed as they are so bent. (Click on the picture to go to Mr.Blur's personal homepage!)
The editors wish to point out that the word "bent" is used in a crooked sort of way reflecting a person's inability to keep his integrity inatct when under the immense pressure of a "bung" situation - of a monetary value of course! - Ed.)
We are not held responsible for the content of external sites which may try to befuddle you such as www.labour.org.uk.-Ed.
As part of their manifesto, Labour have set out to the general public what they are attempting to achieve in this term of office:
Mr Mandelllssson (not his real name) or to use his real pseudonym, Mr.Goering-Himmler, was interviewed by our Science correspondent B.Basset (his real name) as to what "New" Labour was doing to get children more enthused by science at school so we aren't left with a nation of arts students who wouldn't know one end of a buckminsterfullerene molecule from the other! Mr.Mandelllssson was quoted as saying, "No I did not take any bloody money for that bleeding house. Just cos' we were in a ring... of housebuyers didn't mean I deserved to get "gazumped" by all the others". - (Just remember next time Mr Goering-Himmler, that if you don't want anything to get out, then don't tell Matthew Parris! - Ed.)
Herman's Favourite Websites
Mr.Himmler-Goering also
showed us some pictures detailing the "white heat" of
British technological achievement, only made avaliable through
"New" Labour funding :
We don't have the pictures he showed us, so we just took some out of his desk when he went to the loo! The information contained is quite shocking - how will that poor woman live now she looks like Anne Widdecombe (Centre photo)???
Another experiment they were conducting was brain washing, or "persuasion through pain" as the minister put it. The results are above for all to see. How could they do this to a poor child - that hairstyle, that t-shirt, that inane drug fuelled grin!!!!
A Minister explained to TOD
News International today that the objective of this game was not
to fleece the gullible general public as "New" Labour
have been doing with the lottery. "No" said a junior
minister, (who has now been sacked for arguing with Mr.Blur),
this game will be used to get rid of all the evil "REDS" under the bed as my old grannie, Gawd Bless Er'
Soul used to say.
You bet with a communist under the "One Commie - One
Bet" system. If you bring one closet communist or
socialist/working class person to the attention of the Governemnt
who is not actively pretending they are "Middle
Claaaaas", then the government will kill them in a big
concentration camp held on the Isle of Aran, and you get one free
go on the "Commie Casino".
One critic, (who was later killed) pointed out that it was rather
unfair to only let the public bet on "black" when the
wheel contained only "red" numbers. Ministers however
were unavailable for comment
The top prize is a day out at Cleethorpes.
Whilst "New" Labour are in charge, the weather says a spokesman will be perceived as being walm and balmy, with an oppressive atmosphere all round, and there will be a good chance of it showering shit from the heavens. 60% rain chance.
Please mail us at [email protected]
if you have any comments or queries. Thanks.
female "New" Labour MP's are available for
viewing or dating/relating on the new "New" Labour
website of www.hornyMPs.commie
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